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COSIDA CONTINUING ED SESSIONNovember 12, 2015Lisa StromeierHandling Stress During Crossover Seasons THE MODERATOR: Good afternoon and welcome to the fourth installment of the 2015-2016 CoSIDA continuing education series, sponsored by Capital One. My name is Clark Teuscher. I am the Sports Information Director at North Central College and a co-chair for the CoSIDA continuing education committee. I will be moderating today's call as we welcome mental health and wellness consultant, Lisa Stromeier. Later this afternoon we will have the full audio of today's call, as well as a transcript of the CoveritLive blog and a full FastScript from CoSIDA's official transcript provider, ASAP Sports, available for on-demand at CoSIDA.com. Listeners on today's call can follow along on the CoveritLive blog and ask questions, which can be done anonymously. We will address as many questions which are relevant to today's topics as we can, and questions regarding other topics may be reserved for a future call. As we enter the crossover season between the fall and winter sports, many of us are doing so for the first time. Today's discussion will cover several aspects relating to the management of stress during that time. Lisa will address the topics that came up most frequently in questions she received from the membership, starting with how to tell colleagues when you are facing mental health issues, followed by moving forward after making a mistake, finding validation in your work, and striving for a better work-life balance. With that, at this time we welcome Lisa Stromeier to the discussion. Lisa? LISA STROMEIER: Hi. Thanks so much, Clark. Wow, y'all are talkin' with a shrink, and I know that many of you have not even thought about talking with a therapist, so I want to first let you know what won't be happening today. I'm not going to talk about your childhood or your dreams, but if you think lying on a couch while we are doing this will help, by all means, just do so, but no snoring, please! What I am going to do is address some of the many issues affecting your mental well-being as you work in this fast-paced and very demanding job. I want you to leave today's call with a reminder of some of the things that you already know but might have forgotten and some new ways of doing things. First, to better understand the unique nature and challenges of your job, I interviewed several sports information directors, some current, some former. I talked with a collegiate sports radio personality and an athletic director, and what I learned was, you do the job because you love it! It's certainly not for the great pay and cushy hours. You're the unsung heros who do most of the work but get very little credit. You make other people look good! I learned how multi-talented you are from writing and editing, to all the technical stuff, the video, the web sites. I know that you deal with a variety of temperaments from coaches to athletic directors to students, oh, and did I mention coaches? Yes, I've heard about some of the special challenges they provide. I've learned that you are cool in a crisis and live under the deadline and with the advent of more night games those deadlines come even quicker meaning less time at home and less sleep. I also learned that this is an especially difficult part of the season, the post-fall transition as you're moving into the winter sports that overlap as extra work and extra stress. Finally, I learned that I'll never be able to listen to an announcer at a sporting event without now thinking of sports information directors. I'm really impressed with what you do! So I think I heard Clark say we were going to start with a question that had to do with the mental health issues. Did you say that, Clark? I think I have them in a little bit different order, but I can go in the order that you said. CLARK TEUSCHER: It was about how to tell colleagues when you are facing mental health issues. LISA STROMEIER: Yes, great, okay. So let me give you a little background. The member that wrote in did a nice job of giving me some background, so I understood where they were coming from. They said that they had been hospitalized a little over 20 years ago with bipolar discard and they wrote that they had been through plenty of ups and downs that included being fired on a couple of occasions as well as being unemployed for a nine-month stint before taking their current position. That person's question is, "How do you draw the line on telling your co-worker about your depression episodes without it being a detriment to your career?" Well, the first thing I want to say is if you're asking that question, I would say, very little. It sounds like you don't know whether or not you can trust him or her. The good news is that this is not something that you're required to reveal to a co-worker. So I'm not sure why you would be telling them. Are you worried that they're going to be asking about the gap in your work history? If they're asking you point blank about it can you say something as benign as, hey, I needed to step away from the demanding world of sports information for a bit. But then I realized I loved the job so much I just couldn't stay away any longer. That's not a lie unless you hate your job. They don't have to know the "why" that you stepped away. People leave jobs and come back more often than you'd think. With that being said, you may, in time, do a little testing to see what they do with sensitive information. Give them a small, personal tidbit and see how they handle it. It doesn't necessarily have to be with regard to a mental health issue. If they handle the test okay, then give them a little bit more information. Now, notice I said "a little bit of information" this is not where you swing the door wide open and tell them your whole life story, including how low the low's were and how crazy the manic episodes were. Instead, you might get curious with them and ask them their thoughts on depression the next time there is something about it in the news or at your school. See if they're savvy enough to know that it's not a sign of weakness but rather a very treatable, chemical imbalance. Depression is so common it's quite possible that either they or someone they know is being treated for it. And if they're living in the dark age and make some inappropriate comment, give them no more information. They can't handle it, and you don't need to be the one educating them. That makes me think of Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men"! "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth"! Sorry, I love saying that! But truly they can't handle the truth, so don't waste your time. That would be my response to that question. Did we get any comments on that or should I move to the next one? CLARK TEUSCHER: Feel free to move on. LISA STROMEIER: Okay, the next one was with regard to staying positive when we make mistakes? CLARK TEUSCHER: Absolutely. LISA STROMEIER: Okay, the question that I got -- and by the way those of you that sent in questions thank you so much. I could tell you've put a lot of thought into it, and we couldn't have done this conference call had you not wrote in so thank you very much. This particular question was, "How do I stay positive and not get down on myself? We're not perfect. Sometimes there is a typo, sometimes fatigue leads to an error in a story or statistic. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer." Of course not! Of course you don't! So my response is: Do you think you are a mistake just because you made one? Now, I'd like to claim credit for that quote, I didn't come up with it. That's from Kahlil Gibran. It's posted in my office and posted at home. I love it. Because it's hard being human, and humans make mistakes, especially when you are tired or under a tight deadline. What you have to do is watch the self-talk. Talking negatively increases your anxiety which can lead to increased mistakes. It kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of doubt and fear. What you need to do is remind yourself of all that you do do right, and that will increase your sense of well-being. You know, you deal with stats all day long, so do your own stats and look at how much you do right versus the couple of mistakes that do occur. I'm pretty sure what you would see is that you would have many, many more things right. I'm going to move on to the third question, and that question was: "How do we as sports information directors find value in our work when the very people we work with and for find no value in it whatsoever?" My response is, hello normal human being! Most of us want external validation, but sometimes we have to settle for our own internal validation. I know it's not fair, but it's reality. We've got to be able to give ourselves our own "atta boy" or girl and rest in the knowledge that we're doing a great job. We can't rely on the praise of others to feel good about what we're doing. Now, with that being said, of course you want to be recognized for all that you do and all the sacrifices you make on behalf of your job. I would encourage you to ask yourself, how did you want to be shown that you're valued? What specifically are you looking for? Is it possible that they do value you but they're just not showing it in a way that you can see or that you need to see it? So I suggest that you model the behavior that you want. For example, if you want someone to say thanks, I really appreciate all that you're doing, make sure that you're saying it to the people around you. Make sure that you say it directly to the person that you need to hear it from most. In reality, they might be so involved in their own stuff that they don't even notice that. But trust me, if you're consistently not doing well, you're going to hear about it! So this is one of those cases of no news is good news. It's okay to ask for what you want, you might get it! But you might not. But it doesn't hurt to ask. Now, when you ask, don't say it in a whiny, poor me voice, but make it as a matter of fact, and it never hurts to throw in a bit of humor. I might say something like, hey, I got that article in ahead of deadline! Now, who wants to buy me lunch. I don't know if people would be jumping for that but I think they would get the point that they should be celebrating that you're doing another good job. Keep it light, not accusatory. The bottom line is you've got to rest in the knowledge that you've done a great job, whether or not you're hearing it from the people that you work with. I'm going to stop right there, see where we're at questionwise, because the fourth question is actually a series of questions centering around the same theme. So, Clark, anything we need to be aware of or shall I keep going? CLARK TEUSCHER: You can feel free to keep going; we're still waiting on the first questions to roll in. LISA STROMEIER: Great. I received a lot of questions that centered on the same theme, and that theme was the work-life balance. Here is a few of what some of them sounded like. Maybe you can identify with a few of them or even all of them. I'll read a few of them. "How do I set boundaries for when people send me e-mails night and day?" "What do I do when I can't even take a vacation without worrying about work?" "I'm so tired that when I finally do get to come home, I snap at my family and friends when I'm not even mad at them!" "I resent that I have no social life." "I'm tired of missing things with my family and with my friends." "I'm having trouble leaving work at work and truly being at home when I'm finally there." Then also, "How do I get rid of the guilt factor; the guilt of not having time for my family yet also the guilt for not being able to do more for my student-athletes?" I wish there was time for me to answer each and every one of these, but for right now what I'm going to do is just talk in general about finding a semblance of balance between work and the rest of your life. While it doesn't make it any easier, for what it's worth, this is the "hot button" topic for millions of people right now. The more we do, the more we're being asked to do. Let me say this: I feel for you. This is what makes you wonder why you do what you do. It can make you start to hate a job that you used to love, but please note, you still love the job; it's the loss of the work-life balance that you hate. Now, here is something that's hard to hear but deep down inside you know it's true, and that is, this is the nature of the work you do. I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but just like with coaches, you're always "on" you're always thinking of the job. That is the life of an SID. You know, it's not like the guy working at assembly line at a factory, when his shift is over he's done, there is a clean, on-the-clock, off-the-clock distinction, but truthfully could you really do something that predictable day in and day out? I might call it boring, because I couldn't, I personally couldn't, and that's no offense to any factory worker. They provide a great service for us. But what it comes down to is working smarter, not harder, and I know that's a cliché. Maybe what we should be saying in the case of SIDs is that you should work smarter not always! Smarter, not always. So instead of focusing on what you can't do, focus on what you can. And, again, I know it's easier said than done, but it is your reality. You are amazing! What you do is amazing! But even amazing people only get 24 hours in a day. You've got to make sure that your daily activities are aligned with what your athletic director wants. It's likely they have no idea the amount of real time required to complete the task. You probably make it look so easy they have no idea what all goes into coming out with that wonderful outcome. You have to be clear on what their number one priority is for you. If you don't know, ask! Don't get bogged down in the minutia. Make lists, work efficiently. You have to be strategic. You have to be a master of time management. This one is hard for a lot of people, but you have to be okay with setting boundaries. The reason that it's hard is because it sometimes means saying no or not right now. I know that you do not like to disappoint. So I thought we would talk a little bit about how you do set those boundaries, and it's all in how you say it. What they need to hear is yes, it will get done, yes, I will take care of it. That's the bottom line, unless it's something that really can't be done or shouldn't be done. It's your job to educate them as to the reality of when it can occur assuming that you're being strategic and using good time management. So you can say something like this: "I'm sorry, I can't do it right now, but here is when I can do it." Let me say that again: "I'm sorry, I can't do it right now, but here is when I can do it." You're setting a boundary, but you're letting them know that it will get done. They may not like when it's getting done, but that might be the reality of the situation. Another thing that you might try to say is, "Yes, it will get done, but I'm in the middle of something right now. When do you need it?" I think I just felt some eyes rolling because you've said things like that, but truly, sometimes you think you're saying something, but you really aren't. You're saying a lesser piece. And when I said it will get done, but I'm in the middle of something, sometimes you should say what that something is, because it's so clear that that is the highest-ranking priority. I'll use the example of, let's see, "It will get done, but I'm in the middle of setting up this interview with ESPN, when do you need it?" Most people in your field understand that's a big deal and that takes top priority. But you will also note that I said, "When do you need it?" And you might need to push back a little bit if you need to, because we all know some coaches are notorious for saying they need it now for everything, and it's really not something that ultimately must be done now, so push to find out what the "real" deadline is. You are men and women of action. I know you don't like saying no or not right now, but you can't be everything to everyone at all times, really. And even with the best time management and priority setting, things can change in a moment's notice; such is the life of an SID. You are nothing if not flexible. I'm going to switch gears just a little bit on this particular piece. I want you to think for a minute. I want you to think about how many of you have said something like this to yourself, "I'm overwhelmed. I'll never get it all done. It's too much, this work never ends." I know you've said it, and if you haven't said it you've probably thought it; it doesn't feel good, does it? But you might feel overwhelmed, and if you continuously are thinking that and saying it to yourself, it creates its own negative energy, and it can lead to catastrophizing, where you go to worst case scenario on everything. It kind of takes on a life of its own. Now what I want you to do is think about when you've been in a similar situation and you achieved your goal and came out on top. Can you remember how good that felt? When you are doing that, that's the time to look at what you did to be successful then, and then do that. So our thoughts do create energy. Even if you're not feeling it, say or think how you want the outcome to be. I've come up with four that I say in my own world, but I think they translate to your world but make your own up. The things that I say is: "I've been in this situation before, and I met my deadlines then. I'll meet these deadlines now." Or, "I will stay focused and I will get this done." Sometimes I say, "I'll do what I can do today, right now." The one that I say a lot is, "I'm doing my best, and it's enough." Now, truthfully, sometimes I have to say that more than a couple of times, but the thoughts that we think create the energy within our body. I don't know about you, but I would rather be creating positive energy, energy that let us me know that it will be okay, I do have control over the situation. Okay. I would like you to humor me now. I know you don't know me well, but I hope we will be getting to know one another. What I would like you to do is an experiment. You all are on mute, and those of you who aren't maybe you want to mute yourselves. What I want you to do is say it out loud. I want you to say something along the lines of, "I've got this. I'm doing my best, and it's enough!" I'm going to give you a minute to say it. Seriously, say it. Okay, then I want you right now just -- how do you feel? Take a quick inventory. What we think creates what we feel. You have the power to shift gears even if you're not feeling it right then. Now, I'm going to introduce a concept that might be foreign to some of you. If you do only one thing from what we've talked about today, please make it be this. The magic word is: Delegate! You know what? There are some people around you -- there are some people around you -- there are people around you who are there to help if you let them! That's the key thing, if you let them! Now, if you're lucky enough to have snore sports information director working at your school, then, of course, you're used to divvying up the work and it won't always be equal, sometimes you'll take more, sometimes they'll take more, it depends on the day and the situation, but hear this: Use your students! Let me say that again, use your students! Remember that most of you have money in your budgets for this. This is why there is a work study program. This is why they're there, they want to do this work. They love the sports world as much as you do, and they're hungry for anything to do in it. They want the experience and you're actually helping them by letting go of some of your work. Now, of course this doesn't mean that you give them the lead story of, say, your quarterback got an OMVI, but maybe you give them the first crack at it and then edit it down. Give them lower profile jobs, and if they can't cut it, it's better to find out now rather than when they are out in the real world and the responsibility rests solely on their shoulders. I know many of you were once these students, and maybe you saw your SID work 24/7 without delegating, so you think it's how it's supposed to be done, but it's not! Delegating is working smarter and more efficiently while you're helping your students get valuable, real world training. That's win-win. Even with all that said, there are times when you can't do it all, and I know you want to but sometimes it's just not possible. I'm assuming some of you know what the Serenity Prayer is. Well, I'm not in a 12-step program but as a therapist I say it all the time. So as a reminder to those of you who know it, or for those of you who have never heard it, I'm going to say it. It goes like this: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." You all have jobs that seemingly are never done, and that's the nature of the job. You can get bogged down focusing on what you can't do, what's always waiting for you, or you can focus all on what you accomplish in a single day, along with the amazing opportunities that this job provides. But it's your choice. While there is a lot that you can't control, you can control this. All right, I'm going to come up for air and see if we have any questions. If not, I've got more things I can talk about but I do want to leave time in case some folks have written in. CLARK TEUSCHER: We do have a question that's come in on the CoveritLive blog, and it has to do with this time of the year being crossover season, and a lot of us are being pulled in different directions for fall sports and winter sports, and it leads to some longer hours. And the question that's come in is: "How do you differentiate between unhappiness caused by a temporary heavier work load and true unhappiness because the job has lost its appeal?" LISA STROMEIER: Oh, that's good. I'm going to think on a minute for that. So with the extra work because of this crossover period it's how do you tell the difference between temporary unhappiness because you're working longer hours, or the unhappiness of this job -- the situation has lost its meaning to me, right? CLARK TEUSCHER: That's correct. LISA STROMEIER: Okay. Well, one thing is think about how long you've been feeling this way. If you've been feeling this through the summer months, if you've been saying things to your friends or family or colleagues for longer than this crossover period, that might be an indicator. I like the insight that this person that sent the question in has because sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two, but that's where if you're having a hard time distinguishing, ask the people around you. Ask your spouse, ask your partner, ask your friend, ask a colleague, "Have I always been talking this way, or is this just because I'm in this crazy crossover period?" Then I also say, don't make any major decisions when you're in the midst of a really stressful time. So ride through this period, and once you're fully into winter or once spring comes around, once there is -- I'm not sure I can say this with a straight face, a "lull" in the action, because I'm not sure there is much of a lull in the action, but once it's not a phrenetic pace, take an assessment again and see how you're feeling. If you're running a pretty flat -- if 10 is joy out the window is 1 is get me out of here now, if you're running a flat 3, 4, all the time, no matter what the time is, that might be that it's something else, and it may not be just that it's the lack of joy in the job. You know, being exposed to stress over a long period of time changes our body chemistry, sometimes it does, not always, but sometimes it does, and a common change in body chemistry is depression. We often think of depressed people as people that are always crying or can't go to work because they can't leave their house. But it's very, very common for people to have Dysthymia, and that's a low-grade form of depression. It often coincides with the winter months, depending on where your colleges and homes are located, but if you live in any of the states where there is lack of sunshine, we've heard of Seasonal Defective Disorder so some people are naturally feeling blah during the wintertime and what would be the winter crossover time. So I'm looking at the clock. I don't want to spend tons of time on dysthymia, but I would love to talk a little bit more about what the symptoms are and what you can do about it. I kinda went off on that tangent because the feeling of 3 or 4 on a scale of 10. Ask the people around you, have you been that way for long, longer than the winter crossover time. Take an assessment that way and that might give you the information. CLARK TEUSCHER: Great. We do have one other question that's come in before we will have you continue. LISA STROMEIER: Okay. CLARK TEUSCHER: It's also about having multiple responsibilities piling up. "What's the best way for handling times where it seems like you have more tasks to handle than there is time in the day?" LISA STROMEIER: Well, I think that's called being a sports information director, and that's where I was talking about where you really do have to prioritize them. And sometimes, sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes things may not get done to the high level of satisfaction that you normally do or it might be a time where you have to call in the troops if you're a person who doesn't delegate regularly, it might be the time that you do use your students that are in the office. I don't know whether you can ask other SIDs to help out, but the bottom line is there really are only 24 hours in a day, and you really are human beings, amazing human beings, but human beings. So it's doing the best you can, working efficiently, prioritizing, and if something doesn't get done -- and I know that's rare because y'all -- you all do it until it gets done. You have to be able to letting it and not beat yourself up. Again, I said prioritizing, and I know that you're field some things automatically take top priority. But sometimes it might be letting go of -- and I apologize ahead of time if I'm speaking in error, and this is where I would want you all to educate me, but maybe it's letting go of some of the Tweets or some of the social postings, if that's happening from your office. Maybe it is that -- again, I want to say a smaller article doesn't get done, but I know to that coach or those student-athletes, there is no small article, but, again, your job as an SID is to know in the long run what has the highest priority. It's usually your own personal time that is the thing that gets short-changed, so you can do that a little and maybe during the transition time or maybe -- I know one of the people wrote that they were on the road for three months, and by the time they got back they were just exhausted. So it's gearing up for those three months, or it's gearing up for the transition period, knowing that you will have a break. So it's doing that extra push, knowing that you can't operate at that pace indefinitely, but for that period, it's giving the extra push. We all have deadlines -- in my field -- I don't have the kind of deadlines that you all have, thankfully! I could not do what you do. But I have a number of deadlines that I do have to do, and sometimes it means -- I call it making the "adult" decision, and that means not doing the fun things, and I don't like that because I like to play, I like to have fun, but I have to look at what's more important or what is the -- what's going to have the most negative consequence, and that's how I prioritize. Don't forget, check with your athletic director to make sure that the prioritizing that you're doing is the same prioritizing that they're doing. I'm going to stop because, again, I know I can talk a lot, so where are we at? CLARK TEUSCHER: We have had another question come in. "Do you think that the income inequality within our industry contributes to the poor mental health of middle management personnel like ourselves?" LISA STROMEIER: I'm sorry, I don't know anything about what the pay -- that's not a topic that I know anything about and I'll say "yet," please send me that question to the "Ask Lisa" at LisaStromeier.com. I will do the research and make sure that that's addressed at a future call. Thank you so much for asking it, but I don't want to say something ignorant since I'm not informed on it. CLARK TEUSCHER: We are caught up on questions right now, so if you would like to proceed to the next item on your agenda. LISA STROMEIER: The next item on my agenda, since I'm looking at the clock, and we're about at that time, I just want to say I'm so impressed with the forward thinking your association is demonstrating by bringing me on board to address mental health issues with you. I want to say congratulations to Eric McDowell for coming up with this idea, and also to Judy and the rest of the Board of Directors and your wonderful administrative team for making it happen. I think this is just great, and I look forward to our next call, when I think we're going to be talking about how the holidays can present extra pressures at work and at home. So until then, I will look forward to our next call. CLARK TEUSCHER: Thank you very much, Lisa. As a reminder, CoSIDA members are welcome to submit their questions to Lisa at any time via email at www.askLisa@LisaStromeier.com. We would like to thank Lisa, once again, for offering her expertise to help our membership. We continue to appreciate Capital One's sponsorship of this year's continuing education series. The CoveritLive blog, audio and ASAP Sports FastScript from today's call will be available for on-demand use at CoSida.com later today. Our next call will be on Thursday, December 17th, when Lisa is joined by some CoSIDA members as they will all share their own strategies for achieving work-life balance and managing the stress over the holidays. Thanks to everyone for participating. Have a great day. 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